Parenting Standards

The topic I'd like to look at today is this: If there is a standard of behaviour in society, should I lower it to meet my child? Or should I raise my child up to meet the standard?

I don't often write about parenting due to the varying styles apparent in society. There is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to raising children. However, we all have the same legal obligations placed on us as parents in any definition. In Australia they are:

• Section 61B of the Family Law Act 1975 is: 'parental responsibility, in relation to a child, means all the duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which, by law, parents have in relation to children'.
• A 'child' is defined as a person under the age of 18 (child of a person, or child of a marriage. (Family Law Act 1975 - s4 http://www6.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4.html#child)

One thing we know for sure is that there is a standard expected in society, but no-one can define what this standard should be or how to teach it in children. 

Even the most negligent parent enforces obedience to their instructions, even if those instructions are far from the accepted norm. 

In raising our 6 children, we based our standards on the Christian Bible. We are told that we have great young adults, but as parents we can see so many areas where we failed our children. Let me be clear - we don't feel successful and we don't feel that they are all making great life choices. We are proud of them in our own special way and do love them all immensely. 

The Christian values taught them to be honest, kind, thoughtful, hard workers etc

If a child is shy, does that mean they don't have to say hello to someone?

If a child is tired, does that give them the right to scream to get their way?

If a child does not want to wear a jacket on a very cold day, does that mean they are making the right choices?

Just because the child is learning to assert their own will does not mean they don't get held to a standard of behaviour. Allowing a child to make decisions before they have the knowledge base of the consequences of those decisions, is negligence on behalf of a parent. The parent needs to train a child to trust their 'aged' experience. This does not always imply 'discipline', but it does always imply training and safe consequences.

When your child goes to school they are held to a standard of behaviour. As a parent you are setting them up to succeed or fail based solely on the way you raise them at home before they are 4 and a half years old. 

Can I base this on science or fact? No, I am simply a Mum sharing my experiences, however, I do hope you can see that your direct influence on your child has a direct impact on their behaviour. 

I hope this blog has been thought provoking to you today. If you disagree, please note that that is your freedom to do so.