Parenting Standards

The topic I'd like to look at today is this: If there is a standard of behaviour in society, should I lower it to meet my child? Or should I raise my child up to meet the standard?

I don't often write about parenting due to the varying styles apparent in society. There is no 'one size fits all' when it comes to raising children. However, we all have the same legal obligations placed on us as parents in any definition. In Australia they are:

• Section 61B of the Family Law Act 1975 is: 'parental responsibility, in relation to a child, means all the duties, powers, responsibilities and authority which, by law, parents have in relation to children'.
• A 'child' is defined as a person under the age of 18 (child of a person, or child of a marriage. (Family Law Act 1975 - s4 http://www6.austlii.edu.au/cgi-bin/viewdoc/au/legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s4.html#child)

One thing we know for sure is that there is a standard expected in society, but no-one can define what this standard should be or how to teach it in children. 

Even the most negligent parent enforces obedience to their instructions, even if those instructions are far from the accepted norm. 

In raising our 6 children, we based our standards on the Christian Bible. We are told that we have great young adults, but as parents we can see so many areas where we failed our children. Let me be clear - we don't feel successful and we don't feel that they are all making great life choices. We are proud of them in our own special way and do love them all immensely. 

The Christian values taught them to be honest, kind, thoughtful, hard workers etc

If a child is shy, does that mean they don't have to say hello to someone?

If a child is tired, does that give them the right to scream to get their way?

If a child does not want to wear a jacket on a very cold day, does that mean they are making the right choices?

Just because the child is learning to assert their own will does not mean they don't get held to a standard of behaviour. Allowing a child to make decisions before they have the knowledge base of the consequences of those decisions, is negligence on behalf of a parent. The parent needs to train a child to trust their 'aged' experience. This does not always imply 'discipline', but it does always imply training and safe consequences.

When your child goes to school they are held to a standard of behaviour. As a parent you are setting them up to succeed or fail based solely on the way you raise them at home before they are 4 and a half years old. 

Can I base this on science or fact? No, I am simply a Mum sharing my experiences, however, I do hope you can see that your direct influence on your child has a direct impact on their behaviour. 

I hope this blog has been thought provoking to you today. If you disagree, please note that that is your freedom to do so. 

Parenting and Footy?

Raising six children had its challenges that's for sure, but it also gave me many life experiences that I may never had have if it were not for my strong, Independent young people!

I often liken parenting to the process of a football game. There are many parts to be played but all have an impact at different stages, this can lead to success or failure.

First stage: Training. (1-4yrs)

Training is hard, it takes a natural action/reaction/habit/behaviour and transforms it to a conventional set of rules. The trainer trains the athlete's body, conditions it, teaches them how to fall, get up and go again. They are trained in resilience, health, time management, behaviour etc

In parenting, we train our children in the correct, socially acceptable behaviours (if we are any sort of parent). We discipline, correct, train and teach.

Second stage: Referee. (5-11yrs)

The Referee controls the game. They run just as much as the players, call timeouts, penalises poor play,  positions the players, and no-one has as much power as the Ref. 

In parenting we do this too. It is very tiring and they run us ragged at times - sport, school functions, camps, friends, sleepovers, teacher interviews, sibling rivalry, music lessons.... the list goes on. We make them eat good food for their health, get enough sleep, choose good friends, do their homework,, You know what I mean!

Third stage: Coaching. (12-16)

The Coach sits on the sideline, belting out instructions, sometimes the players listen, sometimes they don't. The coach claps at times and yells at times. His only goal is success for his players. The locker room comes with much discussion after the game.

As a parent I found this the hardest stage. My children either chose to listen to my instructions or chose not to listen. At this stage of life they start to assert their own free will and knowledge base, they made decisions that often didn't work out. Most of our arguments came at this stage of life because there was an awareness that it was their game now.

Fourth stage: Manager. (17-24)

The manager sits in the coaches box and watches the game, taking notes and giving feedback after the game. 

In parenting we allow our children to make mistakes and talk about them when the young adult is ready to listen and talk. 

The final stage is Friend/Colleague. (25+)

This is when we go the pub with our player and either celebrate the win or commiserate the loss. 

In parenting we become friends, talk, laugh and cry together. We support each other through life. 

I wrote this blog for my daughter Holly, who is currently in the training stage of parenting. Be encouraged Holly, this is the natural journey of all parents weather they know it or not. You are doing great!