The words rattled through my mind, the sound of them was so familiar.. it was not long ago I had thought that very same thing about myself...
Is this you?
Christ healed me! He healed my inner self. He showed me who I was in Him, not in the world. I had always compared myself to others: they are nicer, they have more to offer, they have a better memory, they are more skilled, they seem to have direction, they succeed at their plans, they are financial, they are attractive, they are thinner etc.
By comparing, I just couldn't stand looking at myself for who I was because I always felt lost and out of place.
When I started searching for my purpose in life, I was drawn to the creator, and when I saw myself in Him, I saw that I was designed...
Ps 139:13 "For you created my inmost being, you knit me together in my Mother's womb"
Designed????
This didn't happen straight away when I became a Christian, It was when I was in my 30's that I realised that it is ok to accept the love on offer.
It meant accepting that every stitch of my life was deliberate, that my life is a beautiful creation... a master piece that will never be duplicated.
Luke 19:10 "The Son of man came to find the lost people and save them."
What is it to be lost?
Basically, you don't know who you are or what you are put on earth to do. You are not happy with yourself but have no idea of how to be happy in yourself so you look to others. You do not like your own choices and wish someone would just fix it. You look for answers in others, but only see that you fall short of your own expectations. In a room full of people you find yourself wanting to sit in the corner and not make eye contact with people just incase they talk to you.
Hopefully I can help you... Instead of looking at what you would like to be.. why not look at what you were created to be, drop the grand notions that life would be better if....
YOU have been created to have that specific temperament , that specific personality, however, your life is stunted by your own fear of your own failures.
Your personality is moulded from a young age, your values were passed on to you, your choices in life have been within what you think you are able to do and what you think of yourself has been founded in what you were told you were like by so many.
I want to encourage you to drop all of that off at the foot of the Cross and walk into the truth, the truth is freeing.
The first truth is that you were created just the way you are in your heart (not the persona you put on for the world to see).
The second truth is that you are a sinner, someone who falls short of what a Holy God created you to be, you have not made choices that God would approve of and this makes you unclean which prevents you from understanding Christianity in it's entirety. Your worldly thought processes (which were forced on you by the world) is what makes you fight God's plan, and ruins the relationship you could have with him. What I am trying to say in it's simplest form is that your sin keeps you from having the relationship with God that you were created to have.
The third truth is that this relationship has been fixed, you just don't know it yet. The world is a very noisy place, almost like static on the radio when you are trying to listen to something important. If I were to tell you that you needed to be a Christian to find yourself, your mind instantly draws on all the things you think you know about Christianity based on your own wisdom and all the sarcasm and criticism that has been planted in you, and you instantly laugh and mock it. You are carrying other peoples fears and they are holding you back from finding true inner peace. You have a notion of what you think Christianity looks like but without ever having picked up a Bible yourself or researched evidence ... Have you questioned your trust in the people around you that have encouraged you to not believe (even influenced you to stay far away from it based on their unbelief - like parents, friends) based on their own wisdom and experience? Do you know for sure that they have read the Bible and understand it and are right enough for you to base your own eternal life on it??????
The fourth truth is simple - Jesus promises to heal the broken hearted, to find the lost, to forgive the sinner, to never leave us, to make us strong when we are weak, to bless us, to love us. He speaks the truth to us, that is why he had such a strong following that has been growing since His walking on Earth, as people realise they cannot do 'life' by themselves, they search for the truth which can lead them to another lie because they fear love.
The world hates the truth... no-one wants to see themselves as a sinner.. we innately see ourselves as good. There is good in all of us, however, it is not good enough to be near a Holy God.
1 John 1:19 "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness".
The fifth truth is this: You can be free from all the junk and live a rich full life. In your own quiet time, tell God that you have been living a sinful life but you just want to be made right in Him and ask Him to forgive you. Then invite Him into your heart and ask Him to change your life. Then believe and you will be free. It will not take the reality out of your life, but you will start to notice God's hand in different things. Your conscience will be pricked and you will notice small changes. Read the book of John in the Bible and start thinking on it.
Only after doing this can you truly find the real you, the one you were created to be, because you need to see yourself in light of the way God sees you. He loves you. He loves you. He loves you!!! All He wants to do is have a relationship with you, talking to Him is called prayer - no fancy words, just a normal conversation.
Ditch all the lies that were ever told to you by another, your parents, your friends, your teachers, YOURSELF!
You are a precious person. Stop holding yourself back, take a step to finding the peace that Jesus promised to leave you - John 14:27. See yourself as created to be this way and don't let anyone or anything tell you otherwise!
Lastly, do something for yourself that you have never done before, something that you would like to do but do not think it possible.. a painting class, a short course at Tafe, join a walking group, get your truck licence, or a motor bike licence. Go pay for someone to teach you to play golf.
Make yourself do something with your life that will give you funny memories and interesting experiences. And do something for another person - volunteer for Meals on Wheels, or volunteer to go to a Nursing home and do the feeding for a lunch.
It took me 18 years of being a Christian before I finally realised that I AM special, now I enjoy a blessed life, not without troubles and struggles, that is par for the course being married with 6 children...but my trust and peace when those troubles come, help me to ride it out prayerfully and confidently that I will be ok.
I really hope I have helped you. if you don't like it then i suppose it will feel like 5 minutes that you will never get back....lol
But this is how I choose to live my life - believing in a God who proved Himself by sending His only Son to die on a cross for us, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life and have it to the fullest. John 3:15
May God Bless you with all His goodness and Love, so much that you cannot contain it.
On a final note, this is the God who loves you and wants JUST YOU!
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Thanks for your encouragement......